So, according to the fellas over at 247wallst.com, the Midwest has a serious drinking problem. Which is not a shock to anyone who has lived there–several months per year are grey and very cold–meaning residents partake in the activities of drinking and watching football with a hardworking midwestern perseverance that coastal city boys could never imagine.
Let’s start with the list of drunkest…ooh wait back up a second here are their metrics for grading drunkosity:
- Percent of Adults Drinking to Excess
- Percent Driving Deaths Involving Alcohol
- Premature Deaths Involving Alcohol
- Median Household Income
I’m not sure if the household income was factored into it or they just wanted to see if rich or poor people drink more. Either way, here is what you came here for:
DRUNKEST TOP 20:
20. Corvallis, OR — Home to the Oregon St. Drinkin’ Beavers
19. Iowa City, IA — Home of the Iowa Hawkeyes
18. Lincoln, NE — Home of the Nebraska Cornhuskers
17. Milwaukee and Surrounding Areas — Home of Many Breweries, and a baseball team named the Brewers
16. Janesville-Beloit, WI — I don’t know what is here, besides alcoholics
15. Racine, WI — Man, Wisconsin is really starting to run away with this
14. Grand Forks, ND-MN — Starting to see a pattern
13. Missoula, MT — Must be the skier/granola/college bro-set
12. Sheboygan, WI — In Wisconsin 24% of adults drink excessively. If that were a pie cut into 100 pieces, 24 pieces would be drunk as fuck.
11. Wausau, WI — It’s starting to get sad.
10. Mankato-North Mankato, MN — RIP Prince, I’m sure the citizens of Mankato drank a few in your honor bud.
9. Eau Claire, WI — For every 10,000 residents of Eau Claire, there are 6.4 bars, the 2nd highest rate in the nation.
8. Ames, IA — City renowned for excellent drunk drivers. Only 11.8% of road fatalities are alcohol related, a cool 20 points lower than the national average of 31%
7. Fond du Lac, WI — Jesus, keep it together, Wisconsin.
6. La-Cross-Onalask, WI-MN — Utter domination by the upper midwest.
5. Fargo, ND-MN — This is actually not the best Coen Brothers movie, but its a great flick nonetheless.
4. Madison, WI — Badger pride.
3. Green Bay, WI — Beer and Cheese and Beercheese
2. Oskosh-Neenah, WI — Started drinking in their Oshkosh B’goshes
1. Appleton, WI — Appleton Rum is from Jamaica I thought.
We’re not here to cast judgements, but man, Wisconsin has tremendous drinking ethic. If you’re traveling by brewery, you’d be a damn fool to skip Wisco.